Puppy Love

It's been a month now since we lost our girl. We had been looking to add to our family for some time, but were hesitant to bring a new puppy in while Safari was ailing. I think it would have been too much -- for her and for us. But, we also didn't want to wait too long after we said goodbye. Our boy, Baxter, is only 5 and he was already missing the ability to play with Safari over these past several months.

We spent a few months considering, perusing web sites of different breeders and rescue groups looking for the perfect addition to the family. After a few false starts late in the summer because it just wasn't the right time, I figured I had finally found the right source. Ironically, we were scheduled to go visit the breeder and meet two of their puppies on Saturday, October 26. (Ironic because it ended up being the same day my sweet Safari crossed the rainbow bridge.) I wasn't convinced we were ready for a puppy yet (before the issues with Safari), but it would give us a good indication of whether or not we liked the breeder and we could stay in touch as they had future litters.

Everyone who knows me, probably knows that was a joke. Never have I been able to spend time with an animal looking for a home and not want to adopt it immediately. This was no different. And so, instead of carefully planning out a future addition (in 2 or 3 months), we ended up adopting not one, but two puppies who now fill our days with responsibility, general mischief and sweet puppy kisses.

Moxie (girl) and Diogi (boy) are two of the best behaved (not counting Safari of course) puppies I have ever met. Both are very smart and have taken right to their training. Baxter is an excellent big brother and keeps them in line around the house. We really couldn't have asked for a better fit for our family. Both dogs (Labradoodles because we have allergies) are amazing with Logan, which is no small feat considering 1. He is a toddler and 2. He is a boy. There is a mutual attraction and healthy hesitancy (anyone with dogs and babies knows what I mean) that has developed between them. It's been really fun to watch them interact and learn each others basic rules of co-existence.

More than anything I am so excited for our kids to grow up knowing the boundless joy, feeling the unconditional love, experiencing the loyalty, and understanding the commitment that exists between dog and guardian. Animals have always played a pivotal role in my life, and in every highest high and lowest low I can remember, there was always a wet nose and furry body walking beside me. I hope that our children will share similar experiences and come to appreciate the wonderful gifts these companion animals bring to our lives.

Diogi

Moxie

Me; Without My Shadow

For almost 14 years you have been beside me. Yesterday, I looked to that spot just off to my right, slightly behind me, and you weren't there.

You stole my heart that cool fall morning so long ago. Diving into piles of leaves, so intent on our game, so in love with life that you wouldn't even think of taking a break. I gave in and called in sick for the day just to stay and watch you. Or the afternoon of the next day, running so intently beside me that you didn't notice the stairs up ahead. What was that?!! Tumbling head over tail, you rolled into the grass. You jumped up, wagged your tail and did it again. With every adventure my heart swelled a little bit more... your first snow, swimming in the waves like the big dogs, following me faithfully on every hike no matter how lost I got us.

Everyone said you looked just like a fox. You did. A fluffy little fox, and sly like one too. So clever; you learned every command almost before I could give it. Ah, but you were stubborn too. Of course you knew how to sit. But why should you? I was only going to ask you to stand right back up again. The girl who always walked at a perfect heel suddenly had to be two steps ahead when that annoying leash was attached to your collar. Never one to make a bad impression, you were always the lady visiting at friends' and in the office. Everyone used to fight over who got to play with you at lunch or watch you when I had to go away.

You taught me more than any book or class ever did. How to be patient, even when I wanted to pull out my hair. How to speak softly, even when I was steaming. How to love completely, even when I looked incredibly foolish. How, sometimes what was right required great sacrifice, for humans and canines. How there was great honor in seeing something through, even when it didn't go my way. How to cry without shame; laugh without reservation; and revel in the day, just because it was nice enough for a walk on the beach.

You played a role in every memory I have of my adult life.

Starring: our lives in Lake Tahoe. You were my best friend when I ventured out into the big, bad world on my own. You never faltered in your faith in me. You brought me out of my shell; taught me to shine my own light.

Co-starring: with your "little" brother Trek. You two were my support when life's picture cracked. You showed me that unconditional love is just that. And that its gift is something everyone deserves.

Supporting role: with your adopted family. You continually amazed me with your unwavering acceptance of whatever life threw at us. You loved your "dad" and adopted brother Baxter just as you loved me: no questions asked, without reserve.

Extra: with your new charge. Even with a new baby you showed patience and grace. I loved you more then than the day I welcomed you into the world.

Through every step of the last 14 years you embraced every role and every change to our lives. You instinctively knew how to be what I needed, no matter what that was.

You were so much more than just "my" constant companion. When we said goodbye, I was overwhelmed thinking of how many people loved you. I am stunned by the scope of your legacy. You touched countless lives with your shy, sweet ways. My heart breaks a little when I share the news with each of our many friends, but I am filled with gladness for the joy you brought to so many.

I'll miss you sweet Safari. My forever friend. My best girl. My shadow.

Season Change

The air is getting cooler; it's easier to sleep at night, and the mornings are brisk. As the season changes, it brings home other changes and all the little milestones whizzing past us now.

• First Steps -- long gone. We're on to running and climbing now.


• First Laugh -- only a memory. We're working on fake laugh in response to other's now. And can't forget the full on giggling fits that we engage in nightly as the tickle monster visits us before bedtime.


• First Foods -- wow. I don't even know where to start with this one. We've zoomed past purees to eat any and everything we can get our hands on. Which leads me to...


• First Signs -- eat, drink and more. No big surprise there. Now every time he passes the kitchen, a table, even a playset that looks like food, his fingers instantly hit his lips. Adorable.


• First Words -- again, no surprise. Dog. Although it comes out backwards and sounds a little more like God, there's no question what he's saying. And he loves to point out every dog he sees and tell us about it. Mama, Dada, Nanny, Poppa, No no no (which is particularly cute because he wags his finger while saying it). We're now learning cat, bird, fan, light, car and kiss.


• First Non-Word Word -- his favorite. Monkey sounds. He loves to go "ooh ooh ooh" every time you say or see a monkey (or resonable facsimile thereof).


• First Tantrum -- enough said.
  

Some of these I've posted about before, but the changing of the leaves just reminds me how quickly he's changing too. I guess this year we're officially past many of the "firsts" and moving inescapably into the "seconds."

Missing

Michael left tonight for a two week diversion in India.

We miss him already.

We hope you have fun, and come back to us safe and SOON!

Curveball

Sometimes you don't always know what life is going to throw at you. Even more challenging is guessing how you might react.

Yesterday morning I woke up knowing something wasn't quite right. Everyone has those days. Turns out this time, I was more right than I expected. By mid-morning it was clear to me that something had gone wrong with the new baby. After a few agonizing hours, a quick trip to the Doctor's office (ha! that is an oxymoron) confirmed my dread. Confirmed is a loose term here; of course they were very circumspect and careful not to use the dreaded "m" word, but having been through a healthy pregnancy before, what they weren't saying spoke more to the situation than what they were.

So, back to our little family of three today. I have to say I am shocked at how easily I accepted the news. That isn't to say we aren't upset. We are terribly sad for this little one who will never know his (or her) big brother here on earth. But it also made me so incredibly grateful for the family I already have.

I looked at my little monkey with new eyes this morning. And even the tantrums brought a smile to my face.

Rewind, Fast Forward

Saturday….
A big day. We discovered, not entirely unexpectedly, we’re expecting!

Sunday….
A strange day. No monkey. In fact, there was no monkey most of the weekend (and not since we’ve learned this momentous news). The day was so quiet without him. It brought me back to what it felt like waiting for him to arrive; a completely silent house with a special excitement running just beneath the peaceful surface. But, oh how I missed the wonderful noise that has replaced the silence!

Monkey will be a big brother. Wow! It is such an important title for such a little guy. I can’t wait to see him tonight. We haven’t seen him since we learned his new status in the family. Will I look at him differently today? Will he seem a little bit older than he was just 48 hours ago? Certainly I have already been nostalgic just thinking about a new one, and remembering how amazing everything with Logan felt (and still does) when everything is so brand new. I spent much of Sunday thinking back to the journey of getting here, and excited about the differences in the journey this time around.

Our first big adventure -- as a family!

How do you measure a year?

In the time before Logan, my birthday was always a momentous occasion. It was the time of year when I took stock and thought about the ways in which my life was different than it had been just one year before. With the birth of Logan (just 4 days after my birthday last year) this years reflection was a little bit different.

Aside from the obvious changes that a new life brings, there were so many things I hadn't expected. One change in particular was clarity. I'd read so many articles about how motherhood makes you forget things, deprives you of sleep and generally causes the thousand yard stare that many new parents get. For me at least, this wasn't true. Quite the opposite. Where I used to spend so much time thinking about what I needed to be thinking about, I now spend time doing those things that are most important.

So maybe I don't accomplish everything on my to-do list anymore. And maybe I do occasionally forget a to-do or two. What I've come to realize is that some of those to-dos just weren't worth doing. And so many of the things that don't make a to-do list, like reading a book with my son or relaxing with him in the backyard, marveling as he discovers something new (and really allowing myself to be engaged; not weeding or dead-heading the flowers or sweeping the porch), are the most important to-dos of all.

The clarity to see that which is most important in life was the best birthday gift by far.

Irish Eyes are Smiling

Okay, so neither Michael nor I have much Irish in us. He's primarily Italian and I'm mostly Scot. I guess that means Logan has maybe 1/12 Irish blood. But on a day like St. Patrick's Day, don't we all try to tap into our Irish just a little bit?

St. Patrick's day always seems like a fairwell to winter to me. The next major holiday is Easter, the herald of spring. (Although, if you live in Colorado like we do, Easter often looks a lot more like Christmas than spring.) The holiday has always been a fun one, even as a little girl I loved to dress in green and give little pinches to all those who forgot. I guess some things don't change!

Monkey looked very cute this morning in his leprechaun hat, which no longer fit his head even though we just bought it two weeks ago. Seeing the too-tight top hat crowning his grinning (and alternately screaming) face made me realize that it's not just the end of Winter 2007. It's also the end of his first Winter, and on to his first Spring....

The Soul of All Delight

A Child's Laughter

All the bells of heaven may ring,
All the birds of heaven may sing,
All the wells on earth may spring,
All the winds on earth may bring
All sweet sounds together---
Sweeter far than all things heard,
Hand of harper,
tone of bird,
Sound of woods at sundawn stirred,
Welling water's winsome word,
Wind in warm wan weather,

One thing yet there is,that none
Hearing ere its chime be done
Knows not well the sweetest one
Heard of man beneath the sun,
Hoped in heaven hereafter;
Soft and strong and loud and light,
Very sound of very light
Heard from morning's rosiest height,
When the soul of all delight
Fills a child's clear laughter.

Golden bells of welcome rolled
Never forth such notes,nor told
Hours so blithe in tones so bold,
As the radiant mouth of gold
Here that rings forth heaven.
If the golden-crested wren
Were a nightingale---
why, then, Something seen and heard of men
Might be half as sweet as when
Laughs a child of seven.

~ Algernon Charles Swinburne

Any parent can tell you there is no sweeter sound than the laughter of their child. Monkey is finally learning to use the full range of his voice to express his emotions. Where he used to shriek for everything (happiness, fatigue, frustration, excitement, etc.), he daily learns new ways to use his voice.

The babbling is wonderful, the singing is cute; but oh, the laughter. I will go to the ends of the earth for that sound. Dance a silly jig, sing an off-key tune, spin circles with him high above my head, make faces and bay at the moon. Until finally... There. When I wasn't expecting anything at all. The sweetest of sounds. Not just a "heh," not a "tee-hee." A laugh, long and true. Straight from the belly. I had to laugh too.

Do you speak monkey?

How do you explain to a seven month old that, no matter how loud he screeches, he will not be able to walk on his own?

Logan is determined, absolutely, positively, going to walk. No, he can not crawl. No, he can not sit up on his own unless aided by a loving mother/father/grandparent. But somehow, magically, he believes he can will himself from a prone position to a standing position by the sheer power of his scream. If I wasn't laughing so hard, I might just scream with him.

My very determined little boy is convinced he can get this right. And, I just may be starting to believe him. After all, who says you have to crawl first? And who made the rule up that you had to spend hours upon hours just lying on your stomach when all the cool stuff is way up there on the coffee table? Probably the same people who said that it wasn't possible for a three week old to roll over, and yet my stubborn little monkey proved that theory wrong in a screeching rage when I tried dutifully to promote the "tummy time" activities.

I could watch this all day.