Double Trouble

When we first found out our second child was going to be a boy, I will readily admit I was a little bummed. Not because I didn't want another boy -- I did. I just had hoped for a girl in between the two as a buffer zone of sorts.

As a second child myself, I'm probably overly sensitive to the implications of never being "first." And overly worried about sibling rivalry. Would having two boys only two years apart create a tension between the two that would keep them from being the best friends of my dreams? Maybe. But then, 4 or 5 years means they'll have little in common and may also keep them from being close. Or personality clashes may mean they won't bond the way I want them to.

Hmmm....

Fast forward two years, and the only thing I know for sure is that I can do my best to guide their relationship and resist the urges to compare them to each other. But I can not force the type of relationship I have with my brothers or that my husband has with his sister. The sibling connection is so complex, that all I can hope to do is nurture them and stay out of their way as much as possible.

Have I seen some horrible displays of jealousy? Yep. Have I worried (more than once) that there is something seriously wrong with my oldest and that no normal brother could be so mean to a baby? Uh, yep. Have I nervously wasted hours searching the internet for proof that my children aren't serial killers in the making. Sadly, yes.

In the end what I see is the beginning of a (fingers still crossed) beautiful friendship. They fight (just like we did), they feed off each other's enegery/moods, they conspire, they laugh, they cry. They protect and hurt each other in the same breath. They have the bond that only siblings can have; a strange extension of yourself. The only other person in the world that will be shaped by the same experiences as you.

My wish for them is that one day they'll experience the joy in each other the same way my siblings and I do. And they'll always have in each other the one person that they'll never have to explain to how insane their parents are, and why they love them anyway. :)

 



So it begins...

I have long dreamt of the day I would have conversations with my children. I eagerly listen, straining to make sense of the non-stop stream of words/babble as Logan chats the day away. I have even tried to convince myself once or twice that he strung together multiple, discernable words like I love you. Truth be told, I have been trying to brainwash him with the "I love you Mommy" mantra for several months now.

Logan has been learning new words like mad since early fall. He never tires of pointing at things and asking, "This?" Nodding with satisfaction at each new word. Until recently, I believe he was storing most of the information for future use, preferring to stick to the 20 or so tried and true words he had mastered. Sure, I would hear him practicing new words in the wee hours of the morning when he is feeling particularly chatty, but he was definitely stingy with them when adults were present.

So imagine my pride when he broke out his first full sentence in front of not just one, but an entire house full of family and friends. Sadly, my attempts at I love you Mommy were a bit off. Somehow it came out, "Go away Mommy! You go away!"

Were these the conversations of my dreams?

Absolutely!

Puppy Love

It's been a month now since we lost our girl. We had been looking to add to our family for some time, but were hesitant to bring a new puppy in while Safari was ailing. I think it would have been too much -- for her and for us. But, we also didn't want to wait too long after we said goodbye. Our boy, Baxter, is only 5 and he was already missing the ability to play with Safari over these past several months.

We spent a few months considering, perusing web sites of different breeders and rescue groups looking for the perfect addition to the family. After a few false starts late in the summer because it just wasn't the right time, I figured I had finally found the right source. Ironically, we were scheduled to go visit the breeder and meet two of their puppies on Saturday, October 26. (Ironic because it ended up being the same day my sweet Safari crossed the rainbow bridge.) I wasn't convinced we were ready for a puppy yet (before the issues with Safari), but it would give us a good indication of whether or not we liked the breeder and we could stay in touch as they had future litters.

Everyone who knows me, probably knows that was a joke. Never have I been able to spend time with an animal looking for a home and not want to adopt it immediately. This was no different. And so, instead of carefully planning out a future addition (in 2 or 3 months), we ended up adopting not one, but two puppies who now fill our days with responsibility, general mischief and sweet puppy kisses.

Moxie (girl) and Diogi (boy) are two of the best behaved (not counting Safari of course) puppies I have ever met. Both are very smart and have taken right to their training. Baxter is an excellent big brother and keeps them in line around the house. We really couldn't have asked for a better fit for our family. Both dogs (Labradoodles because we have allergies) are amazing with Logan, which is no small feat considering 1. He is a toddler and 2. He is a boy. There is a mutual attraction and healthy hesitancy (anyone with dogs and babies knows what I mean) that has developed between them. It's been really fun to watch them interact and learn each others basic rules of co-existence.

More than anything I am so excited for our kids to grow up knowing the boundless joy, feeling the unconditional love, experiencing the loyalty, and understanding the commitment that exists between dog and guardian. Animals have always played a pivotal role in my life, and in every highest high and lowest low I can remember, there was always a wet nose and furry body walking beside me. I hope that our children will share similar experiences and come to appreciate the wonderful gifts these companion animals bring to our lives.

Diogi

Moxie

Me; Without My Shadow

For almost 14 years you have been beside me. Yesterday, I looked to that spot just off to my right, slightly behind me, and you weren't there.

You stole my heart that cool fall morning so long ago. Diving into piles of leaves, so intent on our game, so in love with life that you wouldn't even think of taking a break. I gave in and called in sick for the day just to stay and watch you. Or the afternoon of the next day, running so intently beside me that you didn't notice the stairs up ahead. What was that?!! Tumbling head over tail, you rolled into the grass. You jumped up, wagged your tail and did it again. With every adventure my heart swelled a little bit more... your first snow, swimming in the waves like the big dogs, following me faithfully on every hike no matter how lost I got us.

Everyone said you looked just like a fox. You did. A fluffy little fox, and sly like one too. So clever; you learned every command almost before I could give it. Ah, but you were stubborn too. Of course you knew how to sit. But why should you? I was only going to ask you to stand right back up again. The girl who always walked at a perfect heel suddenly had to be two steps ahead when that annoying leash was attached to your collar. Never one to make a bad impression, you were always the lady visiting at friends' and in the office. Everyone used to fight over who got to play with you at lunch or watch you when I had to go away.

You taught me more than any book or class ever did. How to be patient, even when I wanted to pull out my hair. How to speak softly, even when I was steaming. How to love completely, even when I looked incredibly foolish. How, sometimes what was right required great sacrifice, for humans and canines. How there was great honor in seeing something through, even when it didn't go my way. How to cry without shame; laugh without reservation; and revel in the day, just because it was nice enough for a walk on the beach.

You played a role in every memory I have of my adult life.

Starring: our lives in Lake Tahoe. You were my best friend when I ventured out into the big, bad world on my own. You never faltered in your faith in me. You brought me out of my shell; taught me to shine my own light.

Co-starring: with your "little" brother Trek. You two were my support when life's picture cracked. You showed me that unconditional love is just that. And that its gift is something everyone deserves.

Supporting role: with your adopted family. You continually amazed me with your unwavering acceptance of whatever life threw at us. You loved your "dad" and adopted brother Baxter just as you loved me: no questions asked, without reserve.

Extra: with your new charge. Even with a new baby you showed patience and grace. I loved you more then than the day I welcomed you into the world.

Through every step of the last 14 years you embraced every role and every change to our lives. You instinctively knew how to be what I needed, no matter what that was.

You were so much more than just "my" constant companion. When we said goodbye, I was overwhelmed thinking of how many people loved you. I am stunned by the scope of your legacy. You touched countless lives with your shy, sweet ways. My heart breaks a little when I share the news with each of our many friends, but I am filled with gladness for the joy you brought to so many.

I'll miss you sweet Safari. My forever friend. My best girl. My shadow.

Season Change

The air is getting cooler; it's easier to sleep at night, and the mornings are brisk. As the season changes, it brings home other changes and all the little milestones whizzing past us now.

• First Steps -- long gone. We're on to running and climbing now.


• First Laugh -- only a memory. We're working on fake laugh in response to other's now. And can't forget the full on giggling fits that we engage in nightly as the tickle monster visits us before bedtime.


• First Foods -- wow. I don't even know where to start with this one. We've zoomed past purees to eat any and everything we can get our hands on. Which leads me to...


• First Signs -- eat, drink and more. No big surprise there. Now every time he passes the kitchen, a table, even a playset that looks like food, his fingers instantly hit his lips. Adorable.


• First Words -- again, no surprise. Dog. Although it comes out backwards and sounds a little more like God, there's no question what he's saying. And he loves to point out every dog he sees and tell us about it. Mama, Dada, Nanny, Poppa, No no no (which is particularly cute because he wags his finger while saying it). We're now learning cat, bird, fan, light, car and kiss.


• First Non-Word Word -- his favorite. Monkey sounds. He loves to go "ooh ooh ooh" every time you say or see a monkey (or resonable facsimile thereof).


• First Tantrum -- enough said.
  

Some of these I've posted about before, but the changing of the leaves just reminds me how quickly he's changing too. I guess this year we're officially past many of the "firsts" and moving inescapably into the "seconds."

Missing

Michael left tonight for a two week diversion in India.

We miss him already.

We hope you have fun, and come back to us safe and SOON!

Curveball

Sometimes you don't always know what life is going to throw at you. Even more challenging is guessing how you might react.

Yesterday morning I woke up knowing something wasn't quite right. Everyone has those days. Turns out this time, I was more right than I expected. By mid-morning it was clear to me that something had gone wrong with the new baby. After a few agonizing hours, a quick trip to the Doctor's office (ha! that is an oxymoron) confirmed my dread. Confirmed is a loose term here; of course they were very circumspect and careful not to use the dreaded "m" word, but having been through a healthy pregnancy before, what they weren't saying spoke more to the situation than what they were.

So, back to our little family of three today. I have to say I am shocked at how easily I accepted the news. That isn't to say we aren't upset. We are terribly sad for this little one who will never know his (or her) big brother here on earth. But it also made me so incredibly grateful for the family I already have.

I looked at my little monkey with new eyes this morning. And even the tantrums brought a smile to my face.